


All Out of Breath

by FagurFiskur



Series: 30 day cheesy tropes challenge [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Human Castiel, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Minor Character Death, Orphans, Paternal Bobby Singer, Sexual Experimentation, Tutoring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 16:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1434961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FagurFiskur/pseuds/FagurFiskur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel looks up. "You are Dean Winchester."</p><p>Dean blinks, honestly surprised that Castiel knows his name. "Uh, yeah, I am."</p><p>"You live with your uncle, Bobby Singer."</p><p>"How do you..." Dean cuts himself off. He remembers now being introduced in homeroom by the teacher, who told the class that Dean lived with his uncle. He hadn't bothered correcting her. "I do."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"What do you mean 'why'?" Dean asks, irritated. "My parents croaked, that's why."</p><p>"Oh." Castiel closes his book. "So you're an orphan."</p><p>"Man, don't call me that. I'm not Oliver fucking Twist."</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Out of Breath

**Author's Note:**

> 30 day cheesy trope challenge: #18 - Orphan AU
> 
> [The challenge](http://ghiraher.tumblr.com/post/37135733342/30-day-cheesy-tropes-challenge)
> 
> Hahahaha this was supposed to a be a drabble oh well. I feel like this should probably be even longer - like a couple of chapters, at least. 
> 
> Title taken from The Sinking Man by Of Monsters and Men

Dean still sometimes imagines Dad coming back. He'll walk through the door, maybe a little tired or bruised but otherwise fine, and Bobby will bitch at him for taking so long and not calling, and then he'll tell Dean and Sam to get in the car, and they'll be together again.

But Dad isn't coming back. At sixteen, Dean is too old to be entertaining these fantasies. Dad's dead, they torched his corpse in Bobby's backyard a month ago. And any day now, it's going to stop hurting.

\---

Sam and Dean are enrolled at Lincoln High School. Dean knows right from the first day that he is going to hate it. He doesn't fit in but he doesn't want to, anyway. The students are all children and they know nothing of the world. They see Bobby as the town drunk and a total nut to boot, and their opinion of Dean isn't much better. Sam, at least, has made some friends, but everyone avoids Dean. That's how he prefers it.

If it were up to him, he'd drop out of school now, head back out on the road. Keep hunting. Sam would be fine, he might even be happier with Dean gone. But Bobby won't let him, won't even consider it. He threatened to disassemble the Impala's engine if Dean tried to run off.

So Dean stays in Sioux Falls. Stays in school, even if he's too stupid for it. Every test or paper he turns in comes back with a big, fat F scrawled across it.

"This can't go on," Bobby tells him. "You're a smart kid, Dean, too smart to be getting these kinds of grades."

Dean keeps his head down, doesn't say anything.

"Maybe... maybe you should talk to someone."

"What, like a shrink?" Dean scoffs.

Bobby frowns. "Don't give me that look, boy. It's clear you're not dealing with John's death-"

"I'm not talking to some fucking shrink," Dean snaps. "I'm dealing just fine."

"And when I see you doing anything else than moping around, I'll believe you." Bobby sighs deeply. "I'm just trying to help."

Dean wants to tell him not to bother. Or that if he really wants to help, he should let Dean leave. But he knows better. "I'll study harder. You don't need to have my head examined."

Bobby agrees to give him a couple of weeks to get his shit together by himself. He doesn't look like he has much faith in Dean's ability to do so.

\---

Sam offers to help him study. As if Dean doesn't feel like enough of a loser. He's still got too much dignity to let his kid brother tutor him, but Sam's offer does give him an idea.

\---

Castiel Novak is practically a genius. Dean's only been at Lincoln High School for a month and even he knows that. He consistently gets the highest grade on every test, and he's almost never seen without a book in his hand. He may agree to tutor Dean just because it will make his college application look better.

Dean approaches him during lunch. Castiel usually sits by himself in some far off corner of the cafeteria, and that is exactly where Dean finds him.

"You're Castiel Novak, right?"

Castiel nods, eyes still glued to his book. Dean figures it's as friendly a greeting as he's gonna get, and sits down.

"I need help with some of my classes. Well," Dean amends, "all of them. Are you up for tutoring?"

Castiel looks up. "You are Dean Winchester."

Dean blinks, honestly surprised that Castiel knows his name. "Uh, yeah, I am."

"You live with your uncle, Bobby Singer."

"How do you..." Dean cuts himself off. He remembers now being introduced in homeroom by the teacher, who told the class that Dean lived with his uncle. He hadn't bothered correcting her. "I do."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" Dean asks, irritated. "My parents croaked, that's why."

"Oh." Castiel closes his book. "So you're an orphan."

"Man, don't call me that. I'm not Oliver fucking Twist."

Castiel cocks his head to the side. "I live with my uncle as well but my parents are alive."

Dean waits for more information but Castiel doesn't offer any more, and he sure as hell isn't going to ask. "So are you gonna tutor me or what?"

\---

Castiel agrees to tutor him, citing the exact reason Dean had been counting on: tutoring a troubled student will look good on his college application.

But as the days and weeks pass, and Dean's grades start climbing from steady Fs to respectable Bs and Cs, and even the occasional A in math, Dean begins to suspect that it's more to do with reasons of loneliness.

Because Castiel, as far as he can tell, has no friends. Dean's not exactly in a position to judge but it seems kind of odd to him. Even the dweebs hang out with other dweebs. Cas is serious, yes, and he's yet to get even a single reference Dean has made, but he's also smart and funny, and a blast to be around if you aren't put off by his brand of weird. It doesn't make sense that Dean is the only one willing to spend any time with him.

Until one day, it does.

Dean doesn't notice the shove coming until he's sprawled on the floor. He blinks a couple of times, shocked that his reflexes would fail him like that, but it's been weeks since he's actually had to keep his guard up.

He glares up at the kid who shoved him, this mountain of a teenager wearing a Letterman's jacket (of course he is). A gaggle of guys stand behind him, giggling like morons.

"What the hell, dude?" Dean demands as he stands up.

"You were in my way," the mountain says with an ugly sneer on his face. "Maybe next time you'll watch where you're going, fag."

Dean is more confused than angry at this point. He hasn't had any trouble from the student body since he enrolled at Lincoln High; most of them don't even spare him a glance when they walk past him in the hallways anymore. So where the hell did this come from?

"You thought we wouldn't notice you hanging around Novak?" the mountain continues when Dean doesn't say anything. "Has he sucked your cock yet?"

The guys behind him start laughing again, to Dean's growing bewilderment. It wasn't even that good an insult.

"Which one of you takes it up the ass?" one the other guys asks.

When Dean still doesn't answer, they give up and leave, the mountain muttering something probably insulting.

Dean is in a sort of daze the rest of the day. At least this explains why Cas doesn't have any friends: even if he isn't gay, just the rumors would be enough to keep most people away. But what if Cas is actually gay? Couldn't he at least have told Dean, so he knew that people would be making assumptions about them?

Not that Dean really cares what the people at school think about him. These are the same assholes that think Bobby's a nutjob, so fuck 'em. The only people whose opinions matter to Dean are Sam and Bobby. It would be something else if they thought Dean was gay...

It occurs to Dean then that if Cas is gay, then their fellow students might not be the only ones who know. What if the reason he lives with his uncle is because his parents kicked him out for being gay? From what little Dean's heard of them, they sound very religious. They wouldn't have named their kid after some obscure angel if they weren't.

This causes another revelation for Dean. If Bobby _did_ think he was gay, would he kick him out? He won't let Dean leave on his own but if he thought he was some kind of deviant, he might change his mind.

This is it. The perfect opportunity for Dean to ditch this town, and this life. He could pick it up where Dad left off. Saving people, hunting things. No more Lincoln High, no more dumb as fuck jocks giving him shit, no more study sessions with Cas.

Dean stops short in his fantasy. He can't say that he relishes the thought of leaving Cas behind, but Cas was fine before he came along. He'll be fine after Dean leaves.

\---

Dean and Cas meet up in the school library after the last class of the day, just as has become usual. Cas is standing out front when Dean arrives.

"Are you gay?" Dean asks. Now that he's got a plan, he's not wasting any time by beating around the bush.

"...Yes," Cas says after a brief hesitation, his expression calm and betraying nothing. "Are you going to beat me up?"

Dean ignores the sudden pain in his chest at Cas' question. "Nah, I'm not that big an asshole."

"Okay." Cas ducks his head for a moment in thought. "Are you going to ignore me, then? People might make assumptions about us."

"I don't care," Dean says, not bothering to tell Cas that assumptions have already been made. He doesn't need to know that.

Cas nods, his lips wavering a bit and for a moment, Dean is terrified that he's going to start crying, but he doesn't.

"Do you wanna get out of here? The library closes in an hour, so we could probably study for longer if we go to my place. My uncle won't be home until later."

That last part is a lie. Bobby is almost always home these days, either out back in the yard working or around the house.

If Cas suspects Dean of lying or having an ulterior motive, he doesn't show it. "That sounds fine."

They leave together in Dean's Impala. Cas doesn't have a car, he usually takes the bus to school and in the past weeks, Dean's been giving him a lift home.

There's no sign of Bobby when they reach the Salvage yard but when Dean strains his ears, he can hear someone bustling around back.

"We can study in the living room," Dean says once they're inside. "I'm gonna go to the kitchen, grab something to drink. You want anything?"

"Just water would be fine."

Dean heads to the kitchen, ostensibly to get drinks but really to gather his thoughts alone. The simplest plan would be to jump Cas; if Bobby caught them kissing, he'd probably throw Dean out on his ass in a microsecond. The only problem is that kissing Cas would involve... well, kissing Cas. But it isn't that big a deal, really. Dean can easily close his eyes and pretend Cas is a girl.

His mind made up, Dean goes back to the living room. Cas is sitting on the couch, several of his text books already open and spread around on the table.

"I think we should start with math," Cas muses, flipping through his notebook. "What do you say, Dean?" He looks up and frowns. Dean must look as nervous as he feels. "Are you all right?"

It's now or never. Dean sits down on the couch, much, much closer to Cas than necessary. Their thighs are pressed together and Dean can feel it when Cas stiffens.

"What are you doing?"

Dean licks his lips and doesn't answer. He sees Cas' eyes dart downwards to follow the movement and, emboldened, leans in. He stops less than an inch away from Cas' lips and when Cas doesn't pull away, he closes the gap.

The first thing that comes to Dean's mind is that there's no mistaking Cas for a girl. The second thing is that it really isn't so bad. Cas' lips are chapped but they're warm and, best of all, responsive. It's a slow, tentative kiss, and both boys keep their mouths closed, simply pressing their lips together.

Then Dean wants, _needs_ , more. He turns and swings his leg across Cas' lap so he's straddling him, not touching anywhere but the lips yet, but then he puts his hands on Cas' chest and feels it heave, feels his heart pounding underneath. Cas groans against his lips and opens his mouth and all of a sudden the kiss turns wet and hot and _filthy_. Cas tugs him down and, _hello_ _Cas' hard-on_.

Dean breaks the kiss and he may or may not whimper something that sounds like Cas' name.

"Dean," Cas whispers feverishly.

Someone clears their throat and they both freeze. Dean feels his heart drop down to his stomach. He can't even bring himself to turn his head, to see Bobby standing in the doorway. This is exactly how he planned it but he still feels queasy with fear.

"Hope I'm not interrupting anything," Bobby says gruffly and Dean hurriedly climbs out of Cas' lap, keeping his head down, still too scared to look Bobby in the eye.

"We're so sorry, Sir," Cas stutters and Dean feels another lurch in his stomach at hearing Cas defending him, even though he sounds frightened. Even though the whole mess is Dean's fault in the first place.

"Go wait outside for a sec, kid," Bobby tells Cas. "I gotta talk to Dean."

"Please don't be angry," Cas pleads.

"I ain't angry, now scram."

Cas still doesn't leave right away. He bends down to catch Dean's eye, silently asking for an okay. Dean nods, then averts his eyes again. He feels a terrible mix of fear and shame, and any moment now he's probably going to throw up all over Bobby's ratty couch.

Dean hears Cas close the door behind him as he steps outside.

"Seems like a good kid," Bobby mutters. He doesn't sound mad and Dean finally works up the courage to look at him. He's scratching the back of his neck, looking more awkward than angry. He sighs. "What were you trying to pull, Dean?"

Dean swallows. "I wasn't trying to pull anything."

"Don't. You knew I was going to be home. There are plenty of more private places you could have been doing that. You wanted me to catch you."

"I didn't-" Dean cuts himself off. Bobby's just going to see through that lie anyway, just like the rest of Dean's plan.

"Is this..." Bobby pauses and if he looked awkward before, it's nothing compared to now. He's actually _blushing_. Dean doesn't think he's ever seen Bobby blush, unless it was from screaming at John. "Is this you coming out? 'Cause I gotta say, I did not see that coming."

He's trying to lighten the mood. Dean's fear has completely disappeared, leaving only shame behind, and it feels like he may choke on it. "I'm not gay," he finally mumbles.

"But you like that kid?"

Dean is probably blushing too. "Cas. His name's Cas."

Bobby nods, looking satisfied. "Well, then, I think you'd better let Cas know that you ain't in trouble."

"Okay," Dean says numbly. "I... um, I should probably drive him home?"

"You do that."

Dean stumbles out the door a minute later, after packing down Cas' text books. He finds Cas leaning against the Impala, looking pale and harried.

"Is everything all right?" he asks anxiously when he sees Dean.

"It's fine," Dean says. He witnessed Bobby's acceptance first hand and he still has trouble believing his own words. "He was fine with it."

Cas sighs and all but collapses against the Impala. "Thank God." He glances at Dean and smiles nervously. "I was worried that he might do something drastic."

"What, like kick me out?" Dean tries to joke.

"That was one possibility I entertained," Cas admits.

"Me too."

Dean looks at Cas, really looks at him. He's still deathly pale and his hands are trembling. Some of it is probably adrenaline and fear for his own fate, but he was also worried about Dean. Worried enough to defend him from someone who for all he knew could react violently. It's the first time, Dean realizes, that he's had someone other than family care about him so much. The realization makes his heart clench almost painfully.

He doesn't deserve Cas and the least he can do is tell him the truth. "I wanted him to."

Cas' nervous smile drops. "What?"

"I wanted Bobby to kick me out," Dean repeats. "That's why I kissed you."

"I don't understand."

Dean tugs at the strap of his backpack, then realizes that it's Cas' bag and hands it to him. Cas accepts it wordlessly, without taking his eyes off of Dean. "After Dad died, I just wanted to drop out of school and hit the road. Bobby wouldn't let me. I figured, if I could make him mad enough, he might..."

"Make you leave," Cas finishes.

"I'm so, so sorry, Cas."

"It's fine."

Dean shakes his head. "No, it's not."

"No," Cas agrees dully. "It's not. You used me."

"I didn't think about it like that."

Cas sighs. "I suppose you wouldn't."

"Are you mad at me?" Dean can't help but ask. He's well aware how much he sounds like a little kid but right now, he kind of feels like one.

"I'm not mad," Cas says. "Just disappointed."

The words, and the heavy, serious way Cas says them, startle a laugh out of Dean. Cas' sorrowful expression turns pissy and Dean starts laughing harder. "I'm sorry," he giggles

Cas scoffs. "I changed my mind, I _am_ mad at you."

"Sorry," Dean repeats, still laughing. "It's just... that was such a _mom_ thing to say."

"It was not," Cas protests, but he isn't frowning anymore. It looks like he's fighting back a smile.

"It really was." Dean gets the laughter under control but he's still grinning madly. "I don't have a mom and even I know that."

Cas tilts his head. "What happened to them? Your parents?"

Just like that, Dean's mirth evaporates. He really doesn't want to answer that but he owes Cas all the answers he can give. Within reasonable limits. "My mom died in a fire when I was four. My dad died in a hunting accident a couple of months ago." It still sounds so unreal to Dean. It almost doesn't hurt to say, simply because it's so absurd.

Dad would never have been okay with Cas, Dean thinks suddenly. He never would have reacted as calmly and reasonably as Bobby. He wouldn't have tried, in a roundabout way, to assure Dean that it was fine. He probably would have thrown Sam and Dean in the car and driven off until Sioux Falls was a dot in the rear-view mirror and the problem - Cas - was out of sight.

"Dean," Cas says quietly and Dean realizes with a start that his eyes are wet. He's crying.

Wordlessly, Cas holds out his arms and even though Dean knows he doesn't deserve Cas' comfort, he still steps into his embrace. He wraps his arms around Cas' waist, buries his nose in his neck, until all he can focus on is the smell of Cas and the feel of him, wrapped around Dean like he never wants to let him go.


End file.
